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Confusion to Clarity

Indrayani Valinjkar
Singapore, 14 Nov 2014

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Mr. Alan, a newly married, looked very worried and sad as his wife was not ready to return home after delivery. Mrs. Sheena, his wife refused to stay in a joint family with him however she confessed that she loves Alan very much. Alan, as youngest in the family was much close to the parents and deeply in love with Sheena as well. Alan had left the situation on his fate…

A Manager working in a MNC in her late 30’s, Mrs. Reem was caught in thoughts whether to join her husband in Australia for good, leaving her job where she almost spent 10 years learning and proving herself to be in a particular position. At the same time, she is foreseeing her children’s education and opportunities. Reem left the decision to her husband…

Abhinav, a bright, studious, sincere student of grade 10, had a peculiar psychometric test report where it showed high score on mathematics as well as English Literature. For further studies and career selection he was depending on his parents…

All these people were struggling with indecisiveness or were confused. As you can see Alan seems to be lost, he was procrastinating his decision in order to keep everybody happy. Reem and Abhinav were depending on significant others for their decisions.

Somehow, they met a counsellor for a solution of their problems. Let me tell you, there is no ready reckoner for these problems. These are real life issues, one has to handle them very carefully for if the decision goes wrong person may suffer whole life.

Most of us solve our issues while talking and considering other’s opinion and some people go with their gut feel. What matters is ‘Am I happy with my decision’ if l look back after 10 years? Just imagine, Alan never took any firm decision, Reem and Abhinav remained dependent for any decision on their significant others for rest of their lives.

Whenever there is confusion gently take a helicopter view of the situation. That way, you get a better idea that may give you better hold on a particular situation. Visualise yourself having taken decisions as per both (or more) options and weigh in their respective repercussions. Pay attention to your emotions and see how they influence you under each alternative. Don’t let negative emotions come in the way of your thinking abilities. Think positively and work towards solving the issue. In social psychology terms conflicts may be categorised as approach-approach, avoidance-avoidance or approach- avoidance.
Whatever may be the technical terminology, in all the combinations, listening to yourself plays a vital role. Listen to your mind and check your gut feel. Take responsibility instead of blaming other person later on for taking the decision on your behalf. Write down the pros and cons or go through a SWOT analysis. Don’t hesitate to talk to a person who can be a good sounding board and provide unbiased views.

Have faith that for every CONFUSION, there is a SOLUTION.

– Indrayani Valinjkar | MBA – HR,

MA – Counselling Psychologist, Certified Yoga teacher


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